Chapter One
THE IMPORTANCE OF COUNSELING
A minister phoned a psychologist friend one morning and asked for a referral suggestion. "This case really shocked me," the pastor said. "He is a member of our church, apparently a fine spiritual man. But yesterday the police picked him up on a serious charge."
After discussing the problem for several minutes the psychologist asked, "What does this experience indicate to you?"
"Several things," replied the pastor, "but especially this: there is a great need for counseling. If I had allowed time for individual counseling, he might not have committed this crime at all."
Most pastors realize the importance of the pulpit: ministry but some have not fully considered the significance of the counseling ministry. It has been said that a minister who does not place a strong emphasis on counseling is only "half a minister."
There are some basic reasons why counseling is so important. One
Chapter One
THE IMPORTANCE OF COUNSELING
A minister phoned a psychologist friend one morning and asked for a referral suggestion. "This case really shocked me," the pastor said. "He is a member of our church, apparently a fine spiritual man. But yesterday the police picked him up on a serious charge."
After discussing the problem for several minutes the psychologist asked, "What does this experience indicate to you?"
"Several things," replied the pastor, "but especially this: there is a great need for counseling. If I had allowed time for individual counseling, he might not have committed this crime at all."
Most pastors realize the importance of the pulpit: ministry but some have not fully considered the significance of the counseling ministry. It has been said that a minister who does not place a strong emphasis on counseling is only "half a minister."
There are some basic reasons why counseling is so important. One is that it focuses on the needs of individuals.
Pulpit preaching is a blessing, but it may not always meet one's specific needs. Gloria, for example, is very concerned about a matter that stands in the way of marriage. But she does not get the particular help she needs from a sermon.
Don, on the other hand, has a very different problem: homosexuality. He knows that unless his situation improves he is likely to have serious trouble. Does he get anything from the speaker at the youth meeting? Yes, but not the individual help he needs for his own peculiar problem.
Mrs. Smith's daughter has gone away to college. During the year she has written her mother saying that she will not return home next summer. She thinks she will spend the time in a nearby city. Mrs. Smith realizes that her daughter is slipping away from the Lord. Naturally, Mrs. Smith is concerned. She needs counsel - individual guidance. On Sunday she does not receive much benefit from the message because her mind is preoccupied thinking about her daughter.
So it is, every person has his own interesting world. And we do not enter people's worlds by taking a "pot-shut" at them. Someone has said that people are not born in bunches and we usually do not solve their problems in bunches. We help people most when we talk with them individually.
Another reason why counseling is important is because it enables one to work on highly personal problems. Wonderful teaching and inspiration can be found in books and lectures. But some topics do not lend themselves to public or mass discussion. When we counsel with people individually, however, we reach their personal and innermost problems.
Counseling is important because it is two-way communication. The counselee as well as the counselor talks. And we do not grow or change much unless we are given the opportunity to discuss our problems thoroughly. A message or a lecture is one-way communication. We talk at people. We consider them targets which we hope to "hit." But when we counsel individually, the counselee also has something to say. He thinks and talks with the counselor. This is two-way communication - and it brings results.
Counseling is also important because it has a depth aspect. We can only go part way with such media as books, lectures and television. Sometimes our efforts are, at best, only superficial. But work with individuals is more thorough. The client gains a much greater depth of understanding. This brings about sounder and more permanent solutions.
Every Christian worker should consider the emphasis he places on counseling. He should keep in mind that God is intensely interested in the individual. In Jesus ministry here on earth, He manifested His interest in individuals. True, He was pressed by the throngs and He fed the multitude. But He called His disciples one by one. He met Nicodemus alone to talk over the things of God. Another time He sat by a well and explained to a woman of Samaria how she could have satisfying, living water. And in a jostling street procession Jesus looked up and spotted a man sitting in the branches of a tree. He ordered the man to come down. Then Jesus left the throng and went with Zacchaeus to his home so that He could personally discuss this man's needs. Still again Christ heard the pleading cry of poor, blind Bartimaeus and stopped on His way to minister to him and to give him sight. And even in the midst of the crowds who pressed closely about Him, Jesus felt the touch of one woman in need and said, "Thy faith hath made thee whole." Yes, Jesus gave His life for each individual and salvation is an individual matter.
The good Shepherd left the ninety and nine to help one, poor wandering sheep. Can we do less than give people our personal attention? It is God's way - and it is the effective way to help people with their individual needs.
Chapter Two
TO WHOM DO THEY TURN?
One of the signs of a healthy personality is the desire to reach out beyond one's self and become a blessing to others. This quality is especially apparent in Christians. When a person trusts in Christ as his Saviour and begins to grow into a mature Christian, he looks beyond himself for opportunities to serve. He sees people, perhaps in far away lands, perhaps in his own community, who need help. This same urge to serve mankind makes men want to counsel and help others.
However, some Christian leaders find it difficult to reach people. They have a desire to help, but it seems that problem-laden people do not gravitate in their direction. A question which seminary students and young ministers often ask is, "How do we get people to come to us with their problems?" This question is also raised by mature, experienced men and women. "We are sure we could help people," they say, "but very few confide in us."
There are some people who seem to attract others almost immediately. A study of the men and women to whom people readily turn indicates that these people usually possess certain essential qualities - characteristics which draw others to them. What are these traits? The following suggestions will help any Christian leader improve his "counselor personality."
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Excerpted from Psychology of Counseling by Clyde Narramore Copyright © 2000 by Zondervan. Excerpted by permission.
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