Chapter One
A Word about Motherhood
The greatest love is a mother's, then a dog's then a sweetheart's.
—Polish proverb
The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.
—German proverb
The foundations of eternity are laid in the nursery. —WK
Before I had children, I had six theories on how they should be raised. Now I have five children and no theories.
—Ronald Kelly, minister, father
The very word "motherhood" conjures up a thousand picturesin our heads. The famous portraits of Mother andChild, the ideals we had for our children when they weresmall, the plans we made for our beloved child when wewere pregnant, even sometimes ideas we had about whatmotherhood would be like from the vantage point of ourteenage years.
Some of us swore we'd do it differently than our mothershad, and others wanted to be similar in our style. Some ofus wished to marry and have babies when we were grownups, and others wanted to postpone babies, maybe indefinitely,while we cured cancer or made millions or showedmen how powerful we really are.
Our attitudes about motherhood change as we havechildren and with the circumstances of their births andlives. You may be finding that the ideal life you'd plannedto provide your child is a little harder to provide than you'dhoped, or even that the child you got isn't quite the childyou expected. You may find, like most of us do, that motherhoodand parenthood in general are experiences beyonddescription, so much better and so very different than anythingyou'd planned on.
Motherhood is mysterious, magical, a whirl of drudgeryand joy, carpools and kid caresses, sleepless nights and peakmoments, the greatest joys, and the deepest sorrows. It isevery emotion in the spectrum and every thought of selflesslove that ever existed in the universe. Some say it is theclosest thing to pure love that exists on Earth.
But isn't it funny how life turns out? I wanted a ballerinaand I got a tomboy. Megan up the block was sure she'd geta singer, and instead she got a budding actor with almost nomusical skills. Barry's son was supposed to follow Dad intothe law. At twenty-seven, he shows no signs of following.They're their own little people, aren't they? So what doesthat make our job?
Remember when your mother wished on you a child justlike yourself? Maybe you got that kid, and maybe not, andmaybe that was a blessing from your mom, but maybe it wasa curse. Either way, here you are, in the circumstances ofyour life as it is today. Here you are with your kid(s) in yourhouse with your job and your life, and if you are doing thisalt alone, then it is all up to you.
Like everything else, that's a blessing and a curse. Youhave the liberty to craft the mind, heart, self-esteem, andvirtues of the child entrusted to your care. You also have allthe responsibility to provide structure, discipline, meals,clothes, a roof, and a warm bed for this little person.
When life doesn't match your expectations, when the"Happily Ever After" ends and the next chapter of your lifebegins, it's easy to forget the most important things. It's easyto forget there is joy in the simple fact that you are aliveand you have a good mind. It's possible to forget for amoment that you are in control of your circumstances andthat at any point you can create a whole new kind oftomorrow for your family. In any moment, there are thingsto be sad about and things to rejoice about. Your quality oflife will be enhanced by remembering to celebrate the joysof single motherhood and soaring above it on the wings ofyour sometimes-angelic children.
Motherhood is a brief and precious time in our lives. Askany woman, married or single, who has raised a family andwatched each child fly the nest. She'll tell you it doesn'treally last long, it just seems like it when you can't sleepthrough the night that first year, or when you and yourchild wage daily skirmishes. The period from birth tocollege or their first apartment seems like a long time, butin retrospect went like a flash. This little human beingwe've been given, with all her or his uniqueness, perfections,and imperfections, is ours to hold, ours to mold, forsuch a little while. Cherish that time!
You've heard "The hand that rocks the cradle rules theworld." Your child's destiny is in your power. Will you crafta neurotic little being who is a tyrant over the other peoplein his life? Will you indulge a spoiled child who grows up toembarrass you? Or will you set the plan, stay the course, bethere with an open heart and open arms, nurturing, supporting,and loving this person who has been given intoyour care?
The time when we have influence over our children isterribly short. It's a solar flare on the timescape of our existence.The foundations of eternity are laid in the nursery.The kind of mother you are capable of being at your best isprecisely the kind of mother your child needs. Here's toyou, for caring enough to be the very best.
Excerpted from Soaring Solo by Wendy Keller. Copyright © 2001 by Wendy Keller. Excerpted by permission. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Copyright © 2001 by Wendy Keller. All rights reserved.
