Chapter One
FADE IN: EXT. OUTER SPACE - NIGHT
Night sky. The crystal clear sea of stars is shattered by the intrusion of a swirling stream of red smoke, which whizzes with apparent purpose toward a familiar blue planet - the earth.
The red smoke punctures the earth''s atmosphere with ease. Its destination is not just anywhere on earth, but a massive stretch of ice and snow - the North Pole.
A green blinking light is just visible through the silvery-white veil of gently-falling snow that shrouds the surface of the North Pole.
The light illuminates a flag with a reindeer on it. The flag is perched atop a massive ice castle that radiates golds, greens, and reds. This is Santa''s Castle.
EXT. THE NORTH POLE - NIGHT
Santa''s Castle stands at the center of a complex, arranged around it in a five-point star. It is adorned with candles in each window and gold garland trim on each door.
The castle and the other buildings resemble something from the time of King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table. The plaques on the buildings read: the Yuletide Mall, the Tinsel Food Mart, Mrs. Claus''s Health & Fitness Club, E & A Workshops, and Reindeer Stables.
OLD SCRATCH (V.O.)
Over the centuries, the North Pole has survived force upon force determined to destroy Christmas.
The stream of smoke whizzes past the flag, shredding it, and darts down the E & A Workshops'' chimney.
INT. ELVES'' WORKSHOP - NIGHT
The model of cleanliness and organization. Even in candlelight, its floors and windows sparkle like the silver tinsel adorning the Colorado blue spruce in the corner of the room.
Each place at the four long rows of tables is neatly set with antiquated toymaking tools, and each chair is labeled with an assigned elf''s name, all of which begin with the letter "E."
Hanging on the far wall are a red-and-green-striped phone and a calendar, which reads "13 Days ''Til Christmas."
The red smoke whooshes out of the stone fireplace, zips past the blue spruce, knocking off a silver gavel ornament, and circles each table, searching. Not finding what it is seeking, it passes through the door.
INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT
The smoke zips down the hallway, stops at a door marked "Apprentices'' Workshop," then moves further down to a second door marked "Santa''s Office," and passes through.
OLD SCRATCH (V.O.)
From the Grinch who tried to steal Christmas, to the Blizzard of 1963, the likes of which we humans have never seen, Santa and his elves have been able to outwit anyone or anything that came their way.
INT. SANTA''S OFFICE - NIGHT
Santa''s half is Oscar Madison messy, with half-eaten candy canes, clumps of garland, sundry toy parts, and checked-off gift lists all intermingled.
The other half is more than Felix Unger clean, with everything stamped, even the computer, which reads, "Evelyn''s Computer."
OLD SCRATCH (V.O.)
But then Santa never encountered an enemy as treacherous as the master of the creature who appeared in his office that dreaded night.
The swirling stream of smoke comes to rest on an imaginary line separating the two halves of the room.
It morphs into MINION, a creature the size of a dwarf, with two small bumps protruding from either side of its head, and a glowing red pitchfork in its hand.
Minion rifles through Santa''s desk, accidentally dislodging a book, which crashes on Minion''s foot.
OOOOOUUUCCCHHH! Minion hops about, slips on the book, and hits the floor, sending the pitchfork flying.
Awakened by the commotion, a MOUSE FAMILY, dressed in pajamas and nightcaps, peek out of a hole under Santa''s desk. On seeing Minion, they squeak frantically and dash back into their hole.
Minion gropes around the floor for the pitchfork.
The pitchfork shines on the book, titled "Santa''s Rulebook," and on a file cabinet drawer stamped "N-P."
Minion smiles.
INT. SANTA''S OFFICE - NIGHT
Minion holds the Rulebook under one arm as he flips through the files. He yanks one out tabbed "Naughty and Nice Lists."
Instantly, Minion, the Rulebook, and the file disappear into the swirling stream of red smoke, which descends into the floor.
INT. EARTH''S CORE - NIGHT
It plows through the earth''s core until it reaches ...
INT. DEVIL''S DEN - NIGHT
... a dark cavern, with thick, goopy smoke emanating from various nooks and crannies. A computer station is in the center.
The red smoke materializes into Minion. Minion hands the Naughty and Nice Lists file and the Rulebook to MR. D, who sports two full-grown horns, an Armani suit, red eyes, red wingtips and a red PDA, a palm-pilot-like device with devilish applications.
Mr. D glances at the Rulebook, chucks it back at Minion, and flips through the Naughty and Nice Lists file. He stops at a line graph, titled "Naughty & Nice List Three-Year Comparison."
The line for the Nice List rises dramatically each year, but the line for the Naughty List falls off the page.
Black smoke billows from Mr. D''s horns.
MINION
Mr. D, maybe you''d rather be alone?
Minion makes to go. Mr. D hurls a lightning bolt from the PDA. ZWING! It hits Minion in the butt. YEOWCH!
MR. D
Even the adults are buying that peace-on-earth garbage from that white-haired, Jello-bellied freak.
MR. D (CONT''D)
(crushing the file) You''re not getting away with this, Claus!
The walls shake and debris flies. Several stray stones pelt Minion, who rubs his head.
MINION
There''s really nothing we can do to Claus, Mr. D. (pulling out a contact) According to our contract with Archangel Michael, we "cannot interfere directly in the affairs of the North Pole." (shows it to Mr. D) You see, it says so here. I told you we should''ve gotten that Daniel Webster to represent us. But no, you don''t trust lawyers.
Minion clamps his hand over his mouth. Too late.
MR. D
I told you never to use the "L" word.
Mr. D''s eyes and PDA glow.
MINION
I''m sorry, Mr. D, I ... I forgot. I ... I swear I''ll never say that word again ....
Mr. D aims the PDA at Minion. Minion covers his head.
MINION (CONT''D)
... and never even think it.
ZAP! Mr. D and Minion disappear in a cloud of black smoke.
INT. ELVES'' WORKSHOP - DAWN
ELVES sit at the tables and open mail delivered by teams of snails pulling miniature carts. All of the elves are male, and have Christmas trees embossed on their cheeks.
ELMER ELF, mid 30s, weasel-faced, green suede shoes, and wearing his hair Elvis style, tears off the calendar page so it now reads "12 Days ''Til Christmas."
He spots the silver gavel ornament on the floor, and hangs it back on the tree.
Suddenly, the back doors fly open.
A cheerful SANTA CLAUS enters, tossing gold confetti as he walks, followed by his REINDEER and sleigh.
On the sleigh, a THREE-PIECE ELF ENSEMBLE plays "On the First Day of Christmas."
SANTA
To the start of another Christmas season.
The elves bolt up and cheer.
Santa halts at the front of the room, shakes Elmer''s hand, and raises his hands. The room silences.
SANTA (CONT''D)
This looks to be our best season ever, with our Nice List at a record high. This evening fifty additional apprentices will begin elf training.
The elves clap. Santa reaches into the sleigh and takes out a copy of Santa''s Rulebook.
SANTA (CONT''D)
(smiling) To start the season, a new edition of my Rulebook. (dead silence) Please finish reading it tonight. (elves boo) Come now, you don''t mean that.
Santa nods at Elmer, who removes an armful of Rulebooks from the sleigh, and hands them out.
INT. HALL OUTSIDE ELVES'' WORKSHOP - DAWN
Santa''s daughter, EVELYN, early 20s, primly dressed with not a hair out of place, peers into the Workshop through a glass door pane.
INT. ELVES'' WORKSHOP - DAWN
As Elmer hands out the last Rulebook, he spots Evelyn looking in. He checks out his reflection in a silver Christmas ball, primps his do, and saunters over to the door.
INT. HALL OUTSIDE ELVES'' WORKSHOP - DAWN
Evelyn spots Elmer. She turns to run, but too late. Elmer swings open the door and sticks his head out.
ELMER
Lookin'' for me, Sweet Cakes?
EVELYN
(whipping around) No, Elmer, I''m looking for Father.
Elmer steps outside, and backs Evelyn up against the wall.
ELMER
Right, Sweet Cakes. How about we share an egg nog a little later?
EVELYN
Sorry, I''ll be plucking my eyebrows.
Evelyn maneuvers around him and walks away.
ELMER
That''s too bad. I was going to suggest to Santa that it''s about time we allowed a woman to be an elf. (she halts and turns) But I guess you''re not interested.
EVELYN
You are the most despicable....
Before Evelyn finishes, Santa steps out of the Workshop, and kisses her on the cheek.
SANTA
You look beautiful today, Child. (to Elmer, impish) I hope I haven''t interrupted anything.
ELMER
As a matter of fact ...
EVELYN
... you haven''t, Father, because Elmer was just leaving.
ELMER
Let me know if you change your mind, Evelyn.
Elmer grins cockily and struts away.
INT. SANTA''S OFFICE - DAWN
Santa reviews a letter. Evelyn opens a drawer stamped "Dust Buster," pulls out a "Super Strength" model, and dust-busts a dust ball from a switch on the wall stamped "Do Not Ever Pull." She spots the N-P file cabinet drawer open, and closes it.
SANTA
You know, Evelyn, you and Elmer would be a perfect match. I''ve never seen two more organized individuals.
EVELYN
(dust-busting) Father, I have more important things on my mind than Elmer. Roy G. Reedy''s lawyer sent another letter threatening to sue us if we make Reedy''s newest Tiffany Doll. Maybe we should hire a lawyer ourselves.
SANTA
Nonsense, Child. Go visit Reedy and tell him to buzz off. Better yet, let Mother tell him. She had that dream about retiring again. Threatening Reedy will get her blood going and keep her from getting silly ideas.
EVELYN
(stops dust busting) Maybe they''re not so silly.
SANTA
(looking up from the letter) What do you mean, Child?
EVELYN
I thought I''d be an elf this year.
SANTA
Evelyn, do I have to read to you from the Rulebook again? (searching through his pile) Now where did that darn book go? (stopping, from memory) Anyway, Rule Number Two says, "Men, and men alone, are allowed to be elves." Now would you please see to those gift lists.
Santa returns to reviewing the letter.
Evelyn sighs, then flicks on her computer.
INT. HALL OUTSIDE SANTA''S OFFICE - DAY
The swirling stream of black smoke heads toward the office door.
INT. SANTA''S OFFICE - DAY
Santa snoozes as Evelyn opens the daily calendar file on her computer. She types in, "10:00 P.M.: Visit Roy G. Reedy."
She does not notice the Mouse Family come out of their hole or hear them squeaking frantically. After a beat, one mouse, ANGELINA, nips Evelyn on the ankle.
EVELYN
Ouch! Angelina, what''s the matter? Did Santa forget breakfast again?
Evelyn breaks off a piece of a half-eaten bagel, and offers it to Angelina, not seeing the black smoke pass through the door behind her. Angelina does, and scampers away.
EVELYN (CONT''D)
Santa, Angelina''s acting so....
Evelyn turns around to Santa, only to be blocked by the swirling stream.
Evelyn reaches to touch the smoke when it materializes into Mr. D and Minion.
Evelyn yelps and moves instinctively to Santa''s side.
EVELYN (CONT''D)
What are you doing here?
MR. D
I have a bone to pick with your stepfather.
At Mr. D''s voice, Santa awakens, and bolts upright.
SANTA
You''re not allowed here, D. Now get out!
MR. D
(tossing the crumpled file onto Santa''s desk) You''ve been having a grand time stealing from my Naughty List again. Back off all this peace-on-earth garbage, Claus.
SANTA
Not a chance, D. In fact, I think I''ll redouble my efforts.
Minion sneaks into Evelyn''s chair, reads "10:00 P.M.: Visit Roy G. Reedy" on her monitor, and slinks away before she sees him.
MR. D
Have it your way for now, Claus. I promise this is far from over.
POOF! Mr. D and Minion are gone in a cloud of black smoke.
INT. DEVIL''S DEN - DAY
Mr. D''s horns billow flaming embers as he paces the room.
MINION
You didn''t handle that well, now did you?
MINION (CONT''D)
(spotting Mr. D''s glare) I mean, Claus didn''t handle that well, oh Evil One. Luckily I have a plan.
Mr. D aims the PDA very close to Minion''s head.
MINION (CONT''D)
I saw Claus''s scrawny daughter''s computer. She''s visiting Reedy tonight. I haven''t written a good ransom note in a long time.
MR. D
My contract says I can''t interfere in the affairs of the North Pole.
MINION
You''ll be interfering in the affairs of New York City, not the North Pole.
Mr. D smirks, and slaps Minion so hard on the back that it sends him flying.
MR. D
It''s Christmas or his precious Evelyn!
Mr. D''s maniacal LAUGHTER echoes off the cavern walls.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. KRIS KRINGLE''S APARTMENT BUILDING, NEW YORK CITY - DAY
The sound of LAUGHTER becomes the sound of YIPEEING.
VIEW THROUGH A SECOND-FLOOR WINDOW
Sketches of various toys wallpaper this dingy room. The yipeeing emanates from a three-foot high jumble of toy parts and crumpled up pieces of paper heaped on the floor.
INT. KRIS KRINGLE''S APARTMENT - DAY
KRIS KRINGLE, mid-20s, twinkling-blue eyes and scraggily blonde hair, erupts from the pile, holding a TATTERED TOY SKETCH in his hand, of what, exactly, we cannot see.
Suddenly, a COOKING TIMER goes off in the kitchen.
INT. KRIS''S KITCHEN - DAY
Dirty clothes are strewn on the floor.
Kris plunks a pot of gloppy food on top of a half-finished pile of toys on the kitchen table. He stuffs his face as he works on the tattered toy sketch.
INT. HALL OUTSIDE KRIS''S APARTMENT - DAY
A taxi HONKS.
Kris exits his apartment, toting an art portfolio.
KRIS
(sing-song) I''m coming.
Kris locks the door, and tries to walk away, but is pulled backward: the portfolio is caught in the door. Kris yanks.
RIIIPPP!!! The portfolio gives way, and sketches fly all over. Some even float down the staircase, where a few land on ...
INT. BOTTOM OF STAIRCASE - DAY
... ALEJANDRO MARTINEZ, Kris''s landlord. Martinez has a cast on his left leg, and crutches under both arms, as he hobbles through the front door of the building. He spots Kris.
MARTINEZ
KRINGLE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Kris rushes down the stairs, picking up sketches as he goes.
KRIS
I''m sorry, Mr. Martinez, my portfolio....
MARTINEZ
I''m here to check on your apartment. It better be cleaned up or else! I''m not breaking my other leg tripping over your mess again!
The taxi HONKS angrily this time. Kris skips around Martinez.
KRIS
I''ll have it fixed up by tomorrow, Mr. Martinez. I promise.
Before Martinez can answer, Kris swings the door open, and exits, not realizing his portfolio has dislodged Martinez''s crutch.
MARTINEZ
Oh, oh, OOOHHH!
EXT. A MANHATTAN STREET - DAY
Kris''s taxi weaves through traffic in a city decked out for Christmas.
MARTINEZ (O.S.)
KRINGLE!
EXT. ROY G. REEDY DOLLS, INC. - DAY
Kris''s taxi pulls up in front of a glass and steel skyscraper with a one-story tall Tiffany Doll sculpture crowning it.
INT. TAXI - DAY
A hassled driver rolls his eyes as Kris tugs off a half-eaten candy cane from inside his wallet, and pulls out some sticky bills.
EXT. SIDEWALK OUTSIDE ROY G. REEDY DOLLS, INC. - DAY
Kris''s taxi SCREECHES angrily from the curb as Kris starts up the building''s front steps.
The swirling stream of red smoke whooshes into Kris''s pocket.
INT. FOURTH FLOOR, ROY G. REEDY DOLLS - DAY
Kris skips past a life-sized Tiffany Doll sculpture. He smiles at the RECEPTIONIST, who has a phone planted to her ear. She wears a welcoming face until Kris passes.
RECEPTIONIST
(into phone) I could use a good joke around now. Okay, I''ll bite. "If he''s related to Santa, why isn''t he working in the North Pole?" I don''t know. Why? (pause, then laughing) That''s a good one, Isabel.
INT. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE TOYMAKERS'' CUBICLES - DAY
Rows of spotless cubicles where women dressed in gray jumpers and starched white shirts assemble Tiffany Dolls.
Kris waves to the women as he walks past. They ignore him.
The red smoke zips out of Kris''s pocket, heads in the opposite direction ...
INT. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE ROY G. REEDY''S OFFICE - DAY
... and passes through the door.
INT. ROY G. REEDY''S OFFICE - DAY
Tiffany Doll posters wallpaper this megaoffice.
ROY G. REEDY, 52, polished-up slime, is having a manicure done by an attractive BRUNETTE, who does not see Minion materialize behind her. Reedy does and waves her out of the room.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from KRIS KRINGLEby Maria L. Ciampi Copyright © 2008 by Maria L. Ciampi. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
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