Chapter One
April Subj: Are You Out There?
Date: 4/22/02, 9:37 A.M.
From: smallboyonherbike@boscore.com
To: jghost@flowire.com
Hey Julian!
Some weekend, huh? I was so tired last night, but couldn't sleep at all - got up at 3 A.M., took my guitar into the downstairs bathroom (most soundproof place in the house), and started writing a new song. Too soon to tell if it's any good. (Maybe if I could hear you sing it, I'd know.) :)
I was so worried beforehand about going to visit Cartwright to meet hundreds of potential new classmates. You know, it sounded so perfect in the catalog, but what if I got there and hated the place? What if all the other pre-frosh were jerks? Or what if they were all brilliant or something? But I loved it, didn't you? Especially the open mic night - that sold me. Now I keep thinking, what if I hadn't applied to Cartwright, or what if I'd chosen a college based on something totally not important, like the advice of my guidance counselor (who thinks if you don't go to Harvard you should just forget about it and go to a state school). I told my parents to send in the money to Cartwright today!
You're probably too busy for much e-mailing this week since Godspell opens on Friday. After hearing you sing Saturday night I know you'll be amazing. Break a leg! (Do people really say that? Or just dorks like me?)
Chloe
Subj: The Great Unknown
Date: 4/22/02, 9:57 A.M.
From: smallboyonherbike@boscore.com
To: ggillespie@Emmett.edu
Genevieve,
You will NOT believe what happened to me this weekend at Cartwright! Okay, yes, I met a guy. How did you know this would happen? Oh, Omniscient Sister, you are so psychic - you should charge money. I totally wasn't expecting it. I was SO nervous when I got there and we gathered in this huge auditorium and there were all these other kids and we kept looking each other over and I knew I probably had bags under my eyes because I couldn't sleep the night before and I was seriously STRESSED. Besides which, I'm still going with Eli, sort of, even though that's been dragging on way too long already, as you keep telling me. But Eli would be so hurt if I broke up with him - he's my biggest fan - he comes to hear me any time I open for anybody or even do an open mic. He's so LOYAL - he's been my friend since kindergarten! Besides which, Meghan and Kate and Joey would be furious with me for screwing up our group. I don't think I even COULD break up with him - it would be like breaking up with your brother. What should I do? I love Eli, but I'm not in love with him. He's not my soulmate - when I gaze into his eyes, all I see are brown circles - so I probably shouldn't waste his time anymore.
This guy I met is named Julian Casper - isn't that a great name? And guess what? He's a singer and an actor! He's the Jesus character in Godspell at his school, which, as you know, is the LEAD! Yeah, yeah, musicals have never been my favorite thing - okay, I may once have said I hated them, but I'm young, I can change my mind. Anyway, Julian has a gorgeous voice, which I know because he sang at this open mic night they had during the weekend. There were a lot of kids who got up to sing or play music (including me, of course), which by itself is SO exciting - I can't WAIT to get to this school. Anyway, he's been auditioning for some national singing contest thing which gives scholarships and he's already at the second level, and if he wins the next two levels, he'll come to Boston in August for the final round! I'll be done working at camp by then, so we can hang out in the city and I can show him around. He told me he LOVED my voice and he wants us to work on a duet that we could do at some open mics in Boston! Would that be the coolest thing!?
Do I sound like I've lost it for this guy? I sort of have, but I'm trying to not admit it yet because I'm not sure he feels the same way. He ACTED like he did, but, you know, he might go back to Florida (where he lives) and forget all about me. I mean, maybe it was just a weekend thing. But how fun would it be to go off to college and already have a boyfriend there? God, it would be so great. He says he's definitely going to Cartwright now - he wasn't sure until this weekend, but now he is. I thought I was sure before, but now there's no doubt in my mind!
Veev, I have this feeling you're looking disapprovingly at the screen. You're rolling your eyes, aren't you? You know I wouldn't choose a college based solely on a guy, don't you? Cartwright has a fabulous music program and the campus is gorgeous. I'm not picking Cartwright just because I met Julian there. For all I know, he'll change his mind and not even go! Although that would be a shame because I want him to be the father of my firstborn child.
KIDDING! :-}
How's your play going? I wish we were closer so I could come and see you do Blanche DuBois. Have you gotten the usual rave reviews? Has Tennessee arisen from his grave to see your performance? I'm sure his ghost is applauding from the balcony.
Mom just came in and asked me if I'd mind picking up her cleaning and a few groceries - stuff she obviously doesn't need this minute. Dad's morning meeting was cancelled and he doesn't have a class to teach until noon, so they probably want to take advantage of it. Maybe she wouldn't mind if I just took my guitar and went into the downstairs bathroom. You can't hear a thing from in there, and I'm not really in the mood to run useless errands.
Do you think I've lost my mind, Veev? What should I do about Eli? What if Julian is my soulmate?
Yours in angst, Chloe
Subj: Of course you've lost your mind
Date: 4/23/02, 2:04 A.M.
From: ggillespie@Emmett.edu
To: smallboyonherbike@boscore.com
Don't :-} me, Chloe! What is all this soulmate crap? Soulmate, schmolemate ... I've tried so hard to inoculate you against the vapid attitudes of our parents, and here you are hoping to see firecrackers in somebody's eyes!
- And furthermore, I did NOT predict the finding of your eternal love-object in Connecticut. All I said was that you'd probably get a big crush on somebody because you're always getting crushes on guys everywhere you go. But you never do anything about it because there's always Eli, who would be demolished if you withdrew your slight affection from him. Believe me, it would do the guy good to find somebody who wasn't always thinking about dumping him!
- And tell me you aren't still running errands when our parents want a daytime screw? For God's sake, don't they have a lock on their door? Can't they wait until nighttime like normal fifty year olds? What is wrong with them? (A question you may remember I have asked for many years.) It was one thing when we were little kids and Grandma lived down the block and they could just send us down there to play so they could sneak in a quickie, but this need for daytime "privacy" at their advanced age is ludicrous. Nobody is that much in love after 25 years! Really, these people are starting to make me sick, Chloe. It's a good thing you're going to be hundreds of miles away from them in a few months - they've obviously warped your brain despite my efforts.
- As to this Julian person (an ACTOR? Have I taught you NOTHING??), did you sleep with him? Are you thinking he's your one true love because you finally gave up the last shred of your virginity to Julian Casper, who is undoubtedly a very friendly ghost? I know it's hard for you to grasp, but some people actually do sleep with more than one person in their lives, even though the saintly Martha and Tom Gillespie didn't. (And anyway, how do we even know that for sure?) Just because this Julian is a singer doesn't make him a higher-level human being. And being an actor probably argues for the opposite.
- Okay, I'm being a bitch. The play's over and you know how I get. Yes, we were wonderful, although the Emmett College audience could not really appreciate it. My Blanche DuBois was inspirationally nuts. And this woman, Alice, who played Stella was fabulous too. We hardly even needed Stanley Kowalski. Anyway, I'm sorry to yell at you long distance, but I can't bear to see you inhaling all that sentimental crap the lovebirds have been handing us over the years.
- Yeah, maybe you'll fall in love with this guy and have a big hot old time with him, and maybe it'll last for 6 months - or maybe 2 weeks - and then cool off. This happens! Just because you like somebody doesn't mean you have to get all mystical about it. Or married, for Chrissakes! Yes, you've lost your mind, but only because you were brought up by simpletons. What you should do about Eli is probably break up with him, but I've been saying that for two years already and I'm not holding my breath. And Julian is NOT your soulmate, because the word is meaningless.
- Veev
Sub: Hey!
Date: 4/23/02, 6:04 P.M.
From: jghost@flowire.com
To: smallboyonherbike@boscore.com
Hey Chloe! Sorry I didn't e-mail you yesterday. We had a late rehearsal and then I had to study for a Psych test. So much goes on at the end of the year, it's like you're racing, racing, racing, and then all of a sudden BOOM: It's all over. It's really weird this year since we'll be done with high school for good in 4 more weeks!
Which is fine with me. I'm ready to move on. But it's still weird. I feel kind of bad for my mom being stuck down here in Florida by herself. My older sister is in Texas - I told you about her - and my stepfather left us about six months ago, which is great news as far as I'm concerned, but Mom isn't exactly sure yet. She seems to think the guy had some redeeming qualities. Or maybe she just feels bad that she flunked marriage twice.
It was great to hear from you. I agree, Cartwright seems perfect. I'm definitely going - I'll have to get on my mother to send in the deposit. I have to win that damn contest this summer - Cartwright is so expensive. I wish I could hear you sing your new song. What's it about? Springtime in Connecticut?
This week is a killer, but once Godspell is over I'll have more time. Thanks for wishing me a broken leg. You, dorky? Not a chance.
Julian
Subj: Here in the Going Going Gone
Date: 4/23/02, 9:21 P.M.
From: smallboyonherbike@boscore.com
To: jghost@flowire.com
Hi Julian,
I know you're too busy this week to answer me, so don't! (My sister Genevieve is an actor too, so I know what the last week of rehearsals is like.) Just wanted to say how much I agree with you about how weird this last month of high school is. God, I feel like I'm here and not here at the same time. Everybody's talking about the prom one minute, then wondering about their college roommates the next. It makes me feel like there's no place to put my feet down. Like I'm up in the air watching my own life. Know what I mean? By the way, my new song is called "To Fly," and it's sort of about that - knowing you're leaving someplace and wondering what's ahead. So it's sort of about Connecticut. Wish I could see you in Godspell. I KNOW you'll be amazing. Broken legs for the whole cast!
Chloe
IM from Eli to Chloe
catch22: glad u r online - my mother is making me craaaazy!!!
smallboyonherbike: hey eli. same thing?
catch22: getting worse - she was CRYING 2nite because i accepted michigan instead of oberlin
catch22: she thinks i'm dissing her by not going 2 HER school
smallboyonherbike: u know how evelyn is ... this is an excuse 2 b upset ... can't stand that u r leaving home
catch22: hey they should have had more kids!!!!!
smallboyonherbike: what does your dad say?
catch22: he doesn't care where i go - he's glad michigan is cheaper :) :)
smallboyonherbike: LOL that sounds like ernie :)
catch22: gtg do research on a paper - what do you know about kafka?
smallboyonherbike: i know u should ask jeeves or google
catch22: right - cul8r
smallboyonherbike: don't b mean 2 evelyn now!!
catch22: ez 4 u 2 say
Subj: [no subject]
Date: 4/24/02, 12:37 P.M.
From: mtgillespie@boscore.com
To: ggillespie@Emmett.edu
Dear Genevieve,
Daddy and I were talking at breakfast today and it occured to us that your Tennessee Williams play is opening soon, isn't it? We wanted to be sure to wish you good luck. Daddy asked me if Blanche was the crazy one or the pregnant one, and I said, the crazy one, of course - it's typecasting! (Just kidding.)
Love, Mom and Daddy
IM from Kate to Chloe
KublaKate: ethan finally asked meghan 2 the prom!!! we can all go 2gether :) :) :)
KublaKate: are we gonna get a limo like last year?
smallboyonherbike: i thought meghan was holding out 4 peter merrick? limo is fine w/me - w/e
KublaKate: peter's back w/elisa :(m is ok about it tho
smallboyonherbike: why ethan? didn't think she even liked him (i don't either)
KublaKate: he ASKED her - it's only 3 wks - she has to have a DATE!!!
smallboyonherbike: at least we'll all b 2gether 1 more time
smallboyonherbike: :) :) :)
KublaKate: DON'T SAY THAT! u will marry eli and i'll marry joey and we'll have 2 daughters each
KublaKate: and live down the st from each other
KublaKate: unless u break up with eli which u CANNOT DO
Subj: A Ha Me a Riddle I Day
Date: 4/26/02, 2:02 P.M.
To: ggillespie@Emmett.edu
From: smallboyonherbike@boscore.com
Hi Veev,
It's Friday afternoon and I'm e-mailing you from my computer class because there's nothing else to do. We're all sitting here sending IMs to each other. I'm bored silly - why don't they just let the seniors go this last month? So, Julian has e-mailed me once. I can't tell what he's thinking. I'm a little depressed because I realize there's no way in hell I'm going to dump Eli. I mean, he helped me shop for my prom dress - I can't not go with him. Anyway, I don't want to dump him - this is ELI we're talking about, not some jerky guy or something. He's my best friend.
IM from Eli to Chloe
catch22: hi! :) kate IM'd me about meghan going to the prom w/ethan. she wants to know about a limo - yes or no??
smallboyonherbike: don't really care. w/e u guys want is fine.
catch22: U KNOW kate wants a limo. ok with me.
catch22: u all right? u seemed down at lunch.
catch22: still going 2 the movies 2night?
smallboyonherbike: fine. getting a cold maybe. :/
smallboyonherbike: but I'm still up for the movies. everybody going?
catch22: yup. i'll drive. pick u up at 7. take vit. c
smallboyonherbike: ok. ttyl8r
God, Veev, Eli just IMed me while I was writing about him! I can't do this in class where he could see it. He's too damn nice! I'll end up married to him because I don't want to hurt his feelings! Can't you come home for a weekend and tell me how to live my life? How did you get to be so calm and happy? Why am I the screwed-up sister? HELP!
Chloe
Subj: what's new, pussycat?
Date: 4/26/02, 6:43 P.M.
From: CCinWonderland@hotmail.com
To: jghost@flowire.com
kiddo, thought I'd check in and see how your big week is going. did you go up to conn. last weekend to see that fancy school, or did mom guilt trip you into skipping it? i do actually feel bad that you're being made to pay for my sins. not bad enough to regret getting out of florida, though. by the way, wes and I are probably going to move out of texas pretty soon. it's so damn hot here. he's thinking boulder would be a nice change. I guess he wants to ski or something - a skill we never picked up back in the swamp.
if I thought you'd ever take my advice i'd say, GET THEE TO CONNECTICUT, but i'm afraid it might backfire. seriously, jules, you have to get out from under mom's gloom and doom. even that deadhead rick couldn't take more than a few years of it - look how many we had to put up with! you need to put some miles between you and mom. she'll cope. besides, you have such a great voice - if you bury yourself in florida, you'll end up in disney world singing about how it's a small world after all.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Heart on My Sleeveby Ellen Wittlinger Copyright © 2004 by Ellen Wittlinge. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
