Glass (Paperback)

Walking with the MonsterLife was radicalright after I met                           the monster.Later, life                           became harder, complicated.Ultimately,                            a livinghell,like swimmingagainst a riptide,                           walkingthe wrongdirection in the fastlane of the freeway,                           wakingfrom sweetest dreams to find yourselfin the middle of a                           nightmare.You Know My StoryDon''t you? All about                                          my diveinto the lair of the monsterdrug some people call crank.Crystal. Tina. Ice.How a summer visitto my dad sent me                                          intothe arms of a boy -- ahot-bodied hunk, myvery first love, who ledme down the path to                                          insanity.How I came home                                          no longerKristina Georgia Snow, gifted high school junior, totaldweeb, 

Walking with the MonsterLife was radicalright after I met                           the monster.Later, life                           became harder, complicated.Ultimately,                            a livinghell,like swimmingagainst a riptide,                           walkingthe wrongdirection in the fastlane of the freeway,                           wakingfrom sweetest dreams to find yourselfin the middle of a                           nightmare.You Know My StoryDon''t you? All about                                          my diveinto the lair of the monsterdrug some people call crank.Crystal. Tina. Ice.How a summer visitto my dad sent me                                          intothe arms of a boy -- ahot-bodied hunk, myvery first love, who ledme down the path to                                          insanity.How I came home                                          no longerKristina Georgia Snow, gifted high school junior, totaldweeb, and                                          perfect daughter, butinstead a stranger who called herself Bree.How, no matter how hard                                           Kristinafought her, Breewas stronger, brighter,better equipped to dealwith a world where everything moved at lightspeed, everyone mired in ego. Where "everyday"                                          becameanother wordfor making love with                                           the monster.It Wasn''t a Long ProcessI went to my dad''s in June, met Adam  the very first day. It took some time     to pry him from his girlfriend''s grasp.     But within two weeks, he introduced       me to the monster. One time was all          it took to want more. It''s a roller-     coaster ride. Catch the downhill              thrill, you want to ride again,                enough to endure the long,                 hard climb back up again.                In days, I was hooked on          Adam, tobacco, and meth,               in no particular order. But              all summer vacations must              end. I had to come home to              Reno. And all my new bad              habits came with me. It was             a hella speed bump, oh yeah.      Until I hurt for it, I believed            I could leave the crystal behind.             But the crash-and-burn was more            than I could take. When the jet landed,             I was still buzzed from a good-bye binge.     My family crowded round me at the airport,     discussing summer plans and celebration  dinners,      and all I wanted to do was skip off for  another snort.         Mom kept trying to feed me. My stepfa- ther, Scott, kept         trying to ask questions about my visit  with Dad. My   big sister, Leigh, wanted to talk about  her new girlfriend,            and my little brother, Jake, kept  going on about soccer.             It didn''t take long to figure out I  was in serious trouble.  Not the Kind of TroubleYou might think I''m talking about. I was pretty            sure I could get away with            B.S.ing Mom and Scott.             I''d always been such a good           girl, they wouldn''t make thejump to "bad" too quickly.Especially not if I stayed cool.           I wasn''t worried about            getting busted at school or on the street. I''d only justbegun my walk with the monster.I still had meat on my bones,the teeth still looked good.           I didn''t stutter yet. My mouth           could still keep up with my brain.No, the main thing I worriedabout was how I could score           there, at home. I''d never even           experimented with pot, let alone           meth. Where could I go?           Who could I trust with mymoney, my secrets? I couldn''task Leigh. She was the prettiest lesbian you''ve ever seen. But to my knowledge she had       never used anything stronger      than a hearty glass of wine.      Not Sarah, my best friend since      fourth grade, or any of myold crowd, all of whom lived bythe code of the D.A.R.E. pledge.I really didn''t need to worry,of course. All I had to do      was leave things up to Bree,      the goddess of persuasion.Before I ContinueI just want to remind youthat turning into Breewas a conscious decisionon my part. I never reallyliked Kristina that much.Oh, some things about her were pretty cool -- how shewas loyal to her familyand friends. How she lovedeasily. How she was goodat any and all things artistic.But she was such a brain,with no sense of fashionor any idea how to have fun.So when fun presenteditself, I decided someonenew would have to take charge. That someone was Bree.I chose her name (not sure whereI got it), chose when to become her.What I didn''t expect was discoveringshe had always been there, inside of me.How could Kristina and Breelive inside of one person?How could two such different halves make up the whole of me?How could Bree have possibly survived,stuck in Kristina''s daily existence?The Funny Thing WasBree solved the meth dilemma on a family  trip to Wild Waters, Scott''s annual    company picnic. Sarah came   The first was      along to spend time with      a truly gorgeous         Kristina. But Bree       lifeguard. Turned out         had other things     Brendan wasn''t so pretty      in mind.      on the inside, but even Bree, who       thrived on intuition, was clueless. Hard                  on the make, Brendan shared booze, cigarettes.But one guy wasn''t quite enough. I also ran into Chase Wagner that   day. His outside wasn''t as        I found out    attractive, but inside he      soon enough that      was fine. Of course,     both Chase and Brendan        I didn''t know      knew the score -- and both           that yet.      were interested in me. Brendan                              only wanted sex; Chase offered love.                         Either way, I had my path to the monster.My Mom and StepfatherLater, I discovered that Robyn, my  old friend Trent''s sister (not to   mention an "in" cheerleader),    It didn''t take     tweaked to stay thin      long to immerse      and "pep up." She     myself in the lifestyle.        taught me how     Didn''t take long for school  to smoke it.    to go to shit; for friend-ships and                    dedication to family to falter. Didn''t                  take long to become a slave to the monster.Tried to stop me beforeit all went completely wrong. Kristina spent almost a wholeyear GUFN -- groundeduntil further notice.But Bree was really goodat prying open windowsat night, lying with a straightface, denying she hadslipped so far downhill.Nothing slowed me down.Not losing my virginityto Brendan''s rape. Notspending a few daysin juvenile hall.The only thing that keptme sane was Chase''s love,despite all I put him through.He even swore to love mewhen I told him I was pregnant.Pregnant. And Brendanwas the father. Bree consideredabortion. Exorcism. Kristinaunderstood the baby was notthe demon. His father was.But you know this partof the story. You followedme on my journey throughthe monster''s territory.We wound up here.Who am I now, threemonths after I left you,standing on the deck with me, listening to mynew baby, crying inside?I told you then, the monsteris a way of life, one it''s difficult to leave behind,no matter how hard you try.I have tried, really I have.Maybe if Chase had stayedwith me, instead of runningoff to California, in searchof his dreams. Then again,I told him to go.Maybe if I had dreams of my own to run off insearch of. I did once. But now I have no plansfor a perfect tomorrow.All I have is today.T for TodayI''d really like to tell you I have a nice little place witha white picket fence, flowers in the garden, and Winnie-the-Pooh, Eeyore, and Tigger, too, on baby blue nursery walls. I''d like to inform you that I am on a fast track to a college degree and a career in computer animation -- something I''ve aimed for, ever since I found out I could                    draw. I''d love to let                    you know I left the                   monster screaming                    in my dust, shut my                    ears, scrambled back                   to my family, back to                  my baby, my heart. I                   could tell you those                  things, but they''d be                   lies -- nothing new for                   me, true. But if all I                   wrote was lies, you                   wouldn''t really know                  my story. I want you                   to know. Not a day                   passes when I don''t                   think about getting                  high. Strung. Getting                   out of this deep well                  of monotony I''m                  slowly drowning in.

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Excerpted from Glass by Ellen Hopkins Copyright © 2009 by Ellen Hopkins. Excerpted by permission.
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