Chapter One
DO YOU THINK I'M BEAUTIFUL? If there is a question attached to the soul of a woman, maybe it's "Do you think I'm beautiful?"
What a journey we are getting ready to take together. I am so excited to run alongside you for these next chapters. Please know that I am praying like crazy for God to speak to your heart in amazing, God-sized ways. I am expecting more of what He has already been doing, telling women that they are beautiful and watching what happens when they begin to live as if it's true.
I am asking that you reread chapter one in the book before we begin. That way, the stories will be fresh to you and we'll be on the same page in regard to thoughts, questions, and ideas.
Be prepared ... we're going backwards in this chapter. Remembering can be delightful, but then sometimes, remembering can be painful. Would you pray right now and ask God to give your memories clarity and purpose? And while you are praying, would you also ask for the courage to be truthful? Sometimes the most powerful insights come because we have finally let the truth out of its hiding place.
Do you have some junior-high or high-school pictures of yourself lying around, or maybe some yearbooks stuffed into a box in the attic? This would be a great time to pull them out. It is amazing how the power of a picture can help us remember.
YOUR STORY
Before we even knew what hit us, we were had. Our minds and esteem have been shaped and manipulated by junior-high words and high-school heartbreak. We never saw it coming or had any idea that it would matter for a lifetime. What they thought of us or never thought of us did its work in our heads, and now we're trying to undo the damage and find the beautiful woman who got lost in the scuffle.
You've read the story of my growing-up days. You've heard how those years shaped my thoughts about beauty. I had always been the girl no one noticed. An afterthought when compliments were handed out. The girl no one wanted to "go steady" with. The brainy nerd who tried too hard to please. Now it's your turn to relive those foundational years. What is your growing-up story? I'll try to help you remember with these questions:
Describe your elementary years. Do you remember being a leader or a follower? What were your favorite childhood games? What did you do in the summers? Describe a couple of your closest friends back then. _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________
I was such a follower. Most of my significant childhood was spent doing whatever my cousins wanted to do. I was very happy to make them happy. I don't remember ever being assertive enough to have my own ideas.
Let's move on to junior high and high school. Ultimately, did you feel noticed socially? If so, what memories do you have of being seen and enjoyed by your family, a friend, or a teacher? _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________
Did anyone notice your strengths or passions and affirm the gifts they saw in you? Who was it? What did they say? How did it make you feel? _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________
Were there boyfriends or just the names of boys you wrote on your notebooks? Who were they? Do you remember what made those guys attractive to you? _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________
I told you that the summer before my senior year in high school, I discovered contact lenses, got my braces off, and tried a Farrah Fawcett haircut-all within a week or so. I was completely changed on the outside. Maybe even pretty if you tilted your head and squinted. But the die had already been cast on the inside. I knew that I would never be beautiful.
By the end of high school, what die had been cast in your heart and your soul with regard to beauty? _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________
Take a minute to write out a list of ten adjectives that describe you from the inside out. _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________
Did you include the word beautiful in your description? Why or why not? _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________
Many in our parents' generation were very pragmatic. So while things of beauty were wonderful, they were not so highly valued or pursued. There wasn't any time for all the fuss and bother. Eyes down. Work hard. Play little.
Were you affected by a lack of beauty or appreciation of beauty in your growing years? _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________
GROOVIN' FROM THE EDGE
Okay, you know the whole Cinderella story front to back. You love the part where the glass slipper fits, just like I do. Now let yourself become one of the characters. Which one do you allow yourself to become and why?
Most of us learned the hard way ... Cinderella is always someone else. Somewhere along the way, we decided to come to terms with the fact that we were muddling through our lives unseen, unknown, and unheard. We learned to stand around the edge of the room in our best ball gown and just groove. Smiling and pretending.
But some of you have had "Cinderella moments" when you felt noticed and called out. Was it prom night or your wedding or some other special occasion? Try and remember as many "Cinderella moments" as you can.
Maybe there were a few Cinderella moments for you, but it never quite all worked out. Maybe you danced, but no one ever came looking for you later. Maybe the glass slipper fit, but the happily ever didn't come after. Maybe you learned to pretend that it didn't matter. But do you remember that you were made feminine, wired with the desire to be seen and known and loved deeply? It's okay to want what you were made for. It's okay for you to desire to be known as beautiful. It's okay to want to be Cinderella.
Are you feeling some hesitancy when I tell you these longings are okay and encouraged in your feminine soul? What makes you hesitate? _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________
Has it been easier to pretend that the whole beauty thing doesn't matter to you, or to only give a nodding glance to its importance? _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________
How would your family react if they knew that you longed to be known as beautiful? _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________
How has your church or heritage influenced your thinking or pretending? _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________
Have you become a sensible woman with all kinds of insulation techniques? What have you been doing to protect yourself and hide from your true heart? What lies have you concocted to make life hurt less? _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________
Maybe as a child you weren't allowed to pursue beauty or beautiful things. What is God saying to you now? _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________
NO MORE PRETENDING
Some women live an entire lifetime, die, and go to heaven, pretending and smiling politely. I can barely stand the thought of it. In some very profound ways, I am thankful that one day it finally all came undone for me. Every prop was knocked down. Every place to hide revealed. For the first time, my soul was ripped open, and the truth came pouring out. Alone and empty, my heart begged to know, "Oh God, do You think I'm beautiful?"
Now it's your turn. Dog-ear this page in the book because you're going to come back here. Would you write out a prayer? Ask God if He thinks you're beautiful. And then boldly request an answer. I want you to date this one when you're done. Ask God to be loud and lavish when He answers. Ask Him to speak to you in ways that are unmistakable and in your own love language ... in ways that you would understand and that would help you realize it's Him.
Your job is to pray and then look and listen for God's answer. When He answers-and He will-come back here and record what He says.
Do you understand that the question, "Do you think I'm beautiful?" is really yours to ask? Truly. God wants you to ask and then hear what He has to say about you. So pray. Wait. Listen.
Let's stop here for a moment and look at the idea of truth from Scripture. When pretending stops, then we are left with truth. Look up these next passages in your Bible. Think and write about how each one of these ideas about truth could apply to your journey right now. How is God asking you to pursue truth in regard to the question, "Do you think I'm beautiful?"
John 8:32 _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________
Psalm 51:6 _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________
Philippians 4:8 _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________
When pretending ends and truth begins ... it can actually turn out to be kind of scary. Pretending women have become pleasers just to find some sense of acceptance. When the props fall away, then we're left with ourselves. I realized that I did not have any idea who I was or what my true heart desired. I didn't know if I liked blueberries better than strawberries or vice versa. I liked whatever was going to please most of the people in the room. I still don't have all the answers, but I am learning to embrace the truth of my likes and longings.
It's time to do a little heart work. Who are you really? What do you like, and what do you long for? These questions are tough, so you may have to come back to this section several times after some thought and prayer. Ask God to amaze you with the beauty of your true heart.
Many of us have become shut down to the things we might have wanted or what we dreamed of doing with our lives. You could possibly remain shut down and numb for the rest of your days. I believe this is more than just a workbook and some busywork to pass your time. There is a purpose for this study at this point in your life. Is God calling your soul awake? Could He be shouting the truth of His devotion to you, but this time you're going to hear Him?
So stop fidgeting. Don't skip over this. Don't look on someone else's paper. Just rest. Linger. This is about you. Just you. Doggone it, what do you like? What would you choose to do with your life if it didn't matter what anyone else said or thought? Try to answer these prompting questions from your true heart.
If you could decorate any room in your house the way you wanted to, which room would it be? How would you decorate it? (Assume that money is no object.) _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________
Plan a perfect evening for yourself from dusk to sunrise. Extravagant dreaming encouraged. _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________
If you went back to school, what is the first course you'd take? _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________
If it weren't too late to learn a new sport or activity, which one would it be? _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________
Have you ever been pampered? Can you receive the gift with gratefulness or do you worry that you don't deserve such extravagance? _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________
When do you think you shine? Cut the humility and be honest. What is your absolute best thing? _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________
Name two things that you want to change about your life that require more courage than you have. _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________
Do you feel you can make up your mind on your own, or have you always looked to someone else to validate your thoughts? _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________
(Continues...)
Excerpted from DO YOU THINK I'M BEAUTIFUL? BIBLE STUDY & JOURNALby ANGELA THOMAS Copyright © 2007 by Angela Thomas. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
