Introduction
Millions of you have launched into the process of Self Matters,
creating your life from the inside out, and your e-mails and lectures have been both humbling and inspiring. Now, your learning about yourself and your relationship with yourself is about to go to the next level. You began an amazing process when you worked through your ten defining moments, your seven critical choices, and your five pivotal people. You continued that journey by looking at the internal factors that dictate and control your responses to those events. I'm back with more to say about you, who you have become and how you got there, and I'm doing it because you have asked me to do so. I refer to getting real about your authentic self as a process because it has a beginning but hopefully it has no end. This process is something that will become part of you managing you. The Self Matters Companion is designed to make this process part of your everyday life. It is designed to make this process something that becomes not just an exercise you once did but instead something that defines your commitment to living by design.
As the Life Law says, you either get it or you don't, and "getting it" means that you answer every question as completely and thoroughly as possible. That means that you have to add two very important patterns to your behavior. You must begin to consciously monitor yourself on a day-to-day basis, observing not only what you do but also how and why you do it. You must also constantly compare and contrast your actual real-world life with that which your authentic self desires and requires.
Having read so many of your letters, I also know that a fair number of you did not complete all of the assignments in Self Matters. (I'm sure you are the dutiful exception!) This is your chance to close any gaps in your understanding and build on what you already know.
I have said that the most important relationship you will ever have in this world is the one you have with yourself. In addition to this relationship being the most important one you'll ever have, I also want it to be the most successful one you will ever have. There is a very important formula for success in a relationship, and this formula applies whether the relationship you're managing is with yourself or with someone else. Here's the formula:
The quality of a relationship is a function of the extent to which it is based on a solid underlying friendship and meets the needs of the two people involved.
As you embark on making the Self Matters Companion part of your daily life, think about how that formula can apply to you "companioning" you.
The first element of the formula, "based on a solid underlying friendship," is, I think, particularly intriguing when we are talking about what kind of friend you are to you.
Think about what characterizes your closest friendships with others. I'm betting that in those closest and most pleasing relationships, you, if you're a good friend, are accepting, devoted, loyal, fun-loving, honest, and genuine.
That is the goal and definition I hope you will carry forward in "companioning" yourself. This life has not and will not be a success-only journey. Not even close. If you bail on "you" when you observe less than desirable thoughts, feelings, or behaviors, you will be in big, big trouble. Do not be a fair-weather friend to yourself. Do not judge yourself when you stub your toe along the way. The Self Matters Companion will put you into intense and intimate contact with yourself day to day. Be loyal and stand by yourself!
The second element, "the extent to which it ... meets the needs of the people involved," speaks to how effectively you are there for yourself. Throughout Self Matters, I wrote about identifying what you truly want and need to live consistently with your authentic self. Hopefully, you can see how important that is to your relationship with yourself. You are a life manager, and you have one client and one client only: YOU! Do a good job because you can't fire yourself and get a replacement.
I can help you with what follows in these pages, but the doing is up to you. Be sure that you specifically, precisely identify your wants and needs and are deeply, loyally committed and you will have what you want. Bottom line, it's time to be there for you, not in thought or theory but in your walk through this everyday life.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from The Self Matters Companionby Phil McGraw Copyright © 2002 by Phillip C. McGraw. Excerpted by permission.
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